my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
