You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
