Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
