a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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