Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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