Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
