Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're my little dorito
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
