Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
