I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
