so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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