it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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