so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
