Cold hands, warm shart.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
