if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
