erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
