You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
