I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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