some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm passing your future prison.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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