I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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