We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
