it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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