She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
