I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
