It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
