Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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