Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
