I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
