tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
