Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
