How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the day after is always just damage control
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
