Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
