Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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