just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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