she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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