At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Terrible idea I love it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
