Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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