So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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