THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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