Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
