It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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