I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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