Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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