And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
