The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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