Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
