Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
