Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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