hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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