btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
