i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
