so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
