he puts the penis in happiness.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
