so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
